This is the big night for you-your first date. Excited? Of course you are. If you are a girl, you wonder, "How do I look? Will he be lots of fun?" If you are a fellow, you may be asking yourself, "Will she like me? What will she think of my car?" Yes, these and many other questions are rushing to your mind -- that is, they are trying to, if they can get past "how you feel" to "where you think," for this is an occasion that comes only once in a lifetime.

Let us try to come down to earth for a little while, however, and talk about this subject of dating. This is a new step in your life. You are entering into some brand-new experiences, and you want them to be a source of happiness to you. You want Dad and Mom to approve of your conduct. Above all, as a Christian young person, you want the Lord Jesus Christ to be honored in your life.

You are now beginning one of three relationships which fellows and girls enter into in the course of growing up. All three of these relationships are miles apart in their privileges, and it is because of this fact that we need to have a heart-to-heart talk together.

Three Relationships

This first relationship we shall name the "girl and boy pal" relationship. You have no serious intentions concerning marriage at this time. No doubt you think of it some; but you know that you need a few more years of schooling, so there is no point in "getting serious." You go places together; but since there is nothing more than friendship be- tween you, you very likely will go out with some other boy or girl, as the case may be, on a later date.

You are not lovers. You are not engaged. You are just friends. Therefore, maintain a "hands off" attitude. Under such circumstances a girl need not fear for her popularity. She will not be the kind the boys can "play around with," but for this very reason she will be the kind they will later want to marry.

The second relationship is that of an engaged couple. Two persons set themselves apart from all others in the sense that the question of whom they will marry is settled. They will now begin to plan their future home together. Here again we must remember that the intimacies enjoyed by those who are engaged come far short of those enjoyed by a married couple. Unless such young people want to jeopardize their whole future lives, they will consider these relationships sacred.

The third relationship is the marriage relationship. Of that God has said, "Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh" (Gen. 2:24). There is a very real sense in which man is not complete without a companion, but just to have a companion is not the final purpose in marriage. The main purpose of establishing homes is to carry on the process of human generation. One writer has wisely said, "The progression of companionship, love, courtship, and marriage lead to deepening joys, but they also lead to increasing responsibilities. The powers of sex involve obligations as well as pleasures. The propagation of the race was in the mind of God when he formed woman from man."

We have just pointed out three relationships which are not the same and which do not carry the same privileges and responsibilities. It will now be necessary for us to discuss some practices in which many fellows and girls indulge, but which should be avoided by all, especially by those who are born again.

Three Degrees of Intimacy

There are at least three main degrees of intimacy, which are recognized by young people. The first is that of kissing. This is looked on as harmless by many, but the wise girl will keep her kisses for the fellow whom she is pledged to marry; and the fellow who is really living for the Lord will keep his kisses for the one girl in his life-not every girl with whom he has a date.

The second degree is described as "necking," which is the act of embracing and caressing. A couple sometimes sit with their faces closely pressed together and their arms around each other, or in some similar position. But even with this looseness of conduct there are certain restrictions and restraints which are recognized by those indulging in it. This also is to be avoided, because it is very harmful.

Petting is the third degree, and it includes the former two, with the addition of fondling and pawing. Some call it "pitching woo," and others speak of it as "love via the Braille system." Regardless of the name it bears, it is deadly in its effects and possibilities. It is ruining countless young people and undermining future homes before they are half begun

Evils of Petting

Now let us take a closer look at this act and habit of petting. If it is practiced, hidden sex desires will be aroused when they should not be, and, once aroused, they are not easily checked.

In one of his books Alfred L. Murray points out that so-called " 'harmless petting' arouses feelings and emotions which are satisfied only in the more intimate relation- ship which follows." He says that it can lead to immorality which "is not deliberately planned by the unwed. It follows as a result of the overthrow of self-control through over- stimulation of the emotions." He further states that indulgence in this practice "is devastating to the nervous system and may result in a neurasthenic state." (A nervous condition characterized by worry and digestive and circulatory disturbance, thought to be due to emotional conflict and feeling of inferiority.)

Petting puts life and conduct between the sexes on a physical level only. It utterly disregards the spiritual and intellectual levels, without which no marriage can be a success. It puts the relationship of the sexes on an animal plane. Of a former generation which practiced abominable sensuality God has said that they received "in themselves that recompense of their error which was meet" (Rom. 1:27). The fact that God names the lewd and lustful, the fornicators, as having their place in the lake of fire shows His abhorrence of this sin (Rev. 21:8).

We do not mean that those who have fallen into this kind of sin cannot be saved. It was for sinners that the Lord Jesus died (John 3:16; I Tim. 1:15). But there are certain types of sin which bring God's swift displeasure upon nations and individuals now and which add to the degree of punishment in hell (Rom. 1:24-'32: Luke 12.42-48).

Those who take part in petting degrade themselves. It is a defiling habit and is bound to leave its mark on those who persist in practicing it.

The ordinary girl does not like petting as much as some boys think she does. On the other hand, there are boys who are not eager for it, either. No doubt some do it because they are told that others do it. Some do it for the thrill of a new experience. Whatever the motive is, the end can be disaster.

Dealing With Realities

You can see now why we should have this talk together. This big event which you are so thrilled about-your first date-can be highly dangerous. We are dealing with realities. Even in Christian circles we have found fellows who boasted that, given time enough, they could break down any girl's moral restraints. Now, frankly, we do not believe that. You, however, need to know that such persons are around. Neither Christian girls nor Christian boys should have anything to do with those who are so degraded in their morals.

Girls find out that boys who do not hold these debased thoughts concerning the opposite sex sometimes forget themselves and have to be put in their place. The girl is the one to control such a situation. What the girl permits or does not permit is final with the average boy under such circumstances. On the other hand, the fellow who is worthy of the trust placed in him by the girl and her parents will not try to see how far he can go with her.

This you, as a Christian young person, must never forget: Your body is God's dwelling place. When you were born again, the Spirit of God took up His abode in you. The Apostle Paul says, "Know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's" (I Cor. 6:19-20). Keep your body pure for His glory.

A Few Pointers for Daters

Show respect for each other at all times. As we have said before, maintain a "hands off" attitude. If familiarity is not encouraged, it will not grow. The girl's phone may ring a little more often for a while if word gets around that she is an easy mark, but it will not be the right kind of fellow on the other end of the line; and even his kind will look down on the girl whose loose attitude becomes the talk around the locker room.

Have a special place to go on your date and a special time in which to do it. Be careful of the automobile ride that may end in a parking spot. A parked car is no place in which to have a date. Fellows and girls show good sense when they do not linger in parked cars. This includes parking in front of the girl friend's house after a date.

The girl does not owe the boy a goodnight kiss just because he took her on a date. Some boys say that girls expect to be kissed, and some girls say that boys expect to be kissed. Let us end the confusion right here. We repeat something which we have emphasized before: Keep your kisses for the right person.

Make your farewells brief. Do not stand around outside the girl's home when the date is over. A sincere "thank you" on the girl's part should be sufficient for the right kind of boy. This can be the real danger point in your evening's outing together; but when it is tactfully handled, it can mean many more such pleasant times.

Another matter which must not be overlooked is that you should arrive home at the time agreed on beforehand with your parents. Young people do not always realize that when they are late in returning from a date, parents become concerned. If an unforeseen delay arises, the fellow should call the girl's parents, if possible, and let them know what has happened. Good cooperation with parents on this matter will go a long way toward making smooth sailing for all concerned.

You may wonder if it is all right for the boy pal to be asked into the girl's home after a date. If her parents are up and are willing, this is permissible. A light snack, under such circumstances, could be very enjoyable. But it is still the home of the girl's parents, and the boy should not think that he can take over. If her parents are not up, the escort should receive a tactful "good night" at the door.

Too many young people have blundered for lack of proper information on these serious matters. We do not want that to happen to you. Go ahead now on your date. By following the advice given you will face to morrow without regrets and with a song in your heart.